Father Up…the art of mentoring
Straight Talk: Young man, commit to excellence.
Give it some thought.
By Owen Williams
There is nothing new that has not been said before. So what can I say that is useful to a father or just any black man in this world as we have come to know it?
Here’s a bit of wisdom that would have been helpful to me earlier in life:
When we decide to play a game of basketball, football, tennis or any other game, we rarely expect it to be easy. In fact, we expect to be challenged, and we do not expect the rules to change during the game. However, life is different from other challenging experiences and any other game, in that the rules can change in an instant.
My primary goal here is to be brief. So my quick advice: Identify and list the qualities that you think embody the type of human being that you would look up to for guidance. Find the closest available mentor who exemplifies those values, and then go about slowly, if necessary, making adjustments in your everyday life that will move you towards being that kind of human being.
Secondly, appreciate that women are uniquely different from men in many ways. But know that in the more fundamental ways women are like us men. They simply require a different operating manual. They deserve love, friendship, understanding, and distance (when necessary, to cool the GIS off). All the stuff we give to our Male counterparts with ease, they too deserve. Thirdly, they are better than men. The great ones will change your life forever. Try, as soon as you can, to manage your appetites.
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Fathering
Be Strong
Post by Mr. Chris Vann, Detroit, Michigan
I have two sons growing up in a society that seems to be opposed to men of color. But the opposition does not matter, because if God is for you, then who can be against you? (Romans 8:31)
I know what it’s like to live as a Black man in America. First of all, you have to know who you are in the Lord. Put God first and know that you are more than a conqueror, despite what the world says and despite what life throws at you. Be encouraged as you walk in the strength of God’s love and His peace. Of course, it’ll seem like things will be hard. Those challenges only make you stronger. Never give up. Never give in. Fight the good fight, walking in God’s peace and love. Never let your heart be shattered.
Being a young man takes patience. Young man, be encouraged. Never give in or give up, for you are truly more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:37) Always speak the positive over yourself. Never allow yourself to think negative. You truly are a blessed man of the Most High. He put you here for a purpose. Recognize that only God and God alone has you in the palm of His hand. It doesn’t matter where you come from. What matters is where you’re going. Keep walking the straight path. When you feel alone sometimes, know that you’re not alone. When you feel weak and given to worry, know that God’s got you. No matter what people may say, know that you are blessed. Be a leader not a follower. You are a mighty man of valor. Yes, you may fall several times, but know that you will reach your destination. Be strong young man.
Be strong mama, as you put your hands to the plow. Raising a boy into a man is a labor of love. Your son will never forget all that you’ve done for him. Even though at times it seems like it doesn’t matter, surround yourself with men of faith who will speak positively into his life.
Raising children is a blessing. It’s a great joy. Love them and teach them to love, not hate. Teach them to care, and not be selfish. Teach them to be sensitive, but not weak. Teach them to trust, and not be afraid. Know that it is possible.
This is how I raised my sons.
Raising Young Men Is A Progressive Work
Post by Adofa Williams, Trinidad & Tobago
I can relate to single women raising a child who will eventually grow up to be a man. I come from a single parent home where my mother tried her best to raise my sister and I in the right way. I have seen my mother cry and laugh. Growing up we had very little to nothing. Many times over mom made sure that we ate, while leaving herself undone – with only faith in the Lord holding her together. I can go on and on about all the sacrifices my mother made. Her sacrifices and all that she did made me the man I am today, for which I am thankful.
I am a single parent with kids of my own. I learned from my own life experiences and from the guys I grew up with. Along the way I picked up some real life teachable moments that have helped me to raise my young sons into men. Having experienced what I went through growing up, I worked hard to keep my kids from going through those same things. Today I can proudly say that I am happy that my sons didn’t have to get involved in or do some of the things that I did. Believe me, I have done some real irresponsible things.
I believe that men who grow up with only female leadership can do both harm and good. A mother can teach young men but so much. A critical part of what she teaches a son is how to relate to a woman’s needs and how to comfort her. With all the good a mother does, a man is needed in a boy’s life to give him structure. It’s not that a woman can’t do the same, but women are nurturers by nature and men are constructive protectors. I must admit I’m still learning, as I didn’t have a real father figure to teach me how to be a man. Raising young men is a progressive work. I continue to instill in my sons the necessary wisdom, so they will understand how to treat and interact with women. Through it all, there’s nothing like a praying mother.
You ask how will you know you’ve done a good job as a parent, It’s when you see your children grow up and reciprocate the love you gave them back to you and to their new family.
Being a parent is a never ending job.
Raising Boys into Men
MoorBrothers.com is a blog of brothers speaking to brothers (and sisters), with the sisters listening in. Men, this is your forum. Only on occasion will a sister’s voice be heard. I am not a man. I am a woman. I have never been a man nor will I ever be one. This blog was birthed out of my need to know what it takes to nurture a boy into manhood.
My situation? I am a mother raising a son. How does a mother raise a man-child to recognize and then eventually realize his purpose as a man in a world that continues to gnaw away at the distinction of masculinity? What exactly is required of a mother during her son’s development? What does she do, and how does she do it? Whatever IT is.
I am raising a Black man-child in a society that maintains a legacy of despising the very essence of who he is. How does a mother navigate her son through the turbulence? On top of that, I need to know how to raise my son to be a man according to God’s specific design. The Word that I hold onto is: Mishlei (Proverbs) 22:6 Train a child in the way he [should] go; and, even when old, he will not swerve from it.
Straight talk: Woke mothers are struck with the realities of the weight of our responsibility, so please Brothers speak up.