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Give it some thought.

By Owen Williams
There is nothing new that has not been said before. So what can I say that is useful to a father or just any black man in this world as we have come to know it?

Photo by Mídia from Pexels

Here’s a bit of wisdom that would have been helpful to me earlier in life:
When we decide to play a game of basketball, football, tennis or any other game, we rarely expect it to be easy. In fact, we expect to be challenged, and we do not expect the rules to change during the game. However, life is different from other challenging experiences and any other game, in that the rules can change in an instant.

My primary goal here is to be brief. So my quick advice: Identify and list the qualities that you think embody the type of human being that you would look up to for guidance. Find the closest available mentor who exemplifies those values, and then go about slowly, if necessary, making adjustments in your everyday life that will move you towards being that kind of human being.

Secondly, appreciate that women are uniquely different from men in many ways. But know that in the more fundamental ways women are like us men. They simply require a different operating manual. They deserve love, friendship, understanding, and distance (when necessary, to cool the GIS off). All the stuff we give to our Male counterparts with ease, they too deserve. Thirdly, they are better than men. The great ones will change your life forever. Try, as soon as you can, to manage your appetites.

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Be Strong

Post by Mr. Chris Vann, Detroit, Michigan
I have two sons growing up in a society that seems to be opposed to men of color. But the opposition does not matter, because if God is for you, then who can be against you? (Romans 8:31)

Photo by Dellon Thomas from Pexels

I know what it’s like to live as a Black man in America. First of all, you have to know who you are in the Lord. Put God first and know that you are more than a conqueror, despite what the world says and despite what life throws at you. Be encouraged as you walk in the strength of God’s love and His peace. Of course, it’ll seem like things will be hard. Those challenges only make you stronger. Never give up. Never give in. Fight the good fight, walking in God’s peace and love. Never let your heart be shattered.

Being a young man takes patience. Young man, be encouraged. Never give in or give up, for you are truly more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:37) Always speak the positive over yourself. Never allow yourself to think negative. You truly are a blessed man of the Most High. He put you here for a purpose. Recognize that only God and God alone has you in the palm of His hand. It doesn’t matter where you come from. What matters is where you’re going. Keep walking the straight path. When you feel alone sometimes, know that you’re not alone. When you feel weak and given to worry, know that God’s got you. No matter what people may say, know that you are blessed. Be a leader not a follower. You are a mighty man of valor. Yes, you may fall several times, but know that you will reach your destination. Be strong young man.

Be strong mama, as you put your hands to the plow. Raising a boy into a man is a labor of love. Your son will never forget all that you’ve done for him. Even though at times it seems like it doesn’t matter, surround yourself with men of faith who will speak positively into his life.

Raising children is a blessing. It’s a great joy. Love them and teach them to love, not hate. Teach them to care, and not be selfish. Teach them to be sensitive, but not weak. Teach them to trust, and not be afraid. Know that it is possible.

This is how I raised my sons.

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In Honor Of My Father

(excerpt from the book Man-U-Script)

Oliver Ratney

by Oliver R. Ratney: My father showed me that a man who is dedicated to the well being of his children exemplifies an authentic characteristic of manhood. He showed me that a man is one who is present in the lives of his children.

My dad was a hardworking dedicated man. He held down a couple of jobs, in addition to being a single father for most of my formative years. He made sure that he provided for the family. (I get my work ethic from him.) He was intentional about creating memorable experiences with and for us. I can say without hesitation that I enjoyed my childhood with him.

He took us to different places to see different things. He’d take me to the Cubs and White Sox games, and to football games. We went to basketball games, to auto shows, and all that kind of stuff. I do the same with my kids, to show them that there’s more to life than being glued to a computer.

There was no one like him. My father had a presence that commanded respect, one that made you straighten up quick. He wasn’t super strict, but he meant business. When I did wrong, I paid the price. For the most part and because of him, I was wise enough not to chase trouble or bow to peer pressure. I knew what he could do, and I didn’t want to incur the wrath. Like I said, he was a presence. He was more of a threat than the gang. If I even thought to entertain gang life, I’d have been more afraid of dealing with him than with anyone out in the street. And, without too many words, he made sure I knew it.

My dad’s primary focus was to make sure that we were provided for – food, clothing, roof over our heads, and positive experiences. He wasn’t always involved as I would have liked, but he was the pillar of strength, the stability and the father that we needed. More importantly, we knew he loved us.

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Raising Young Men Is A Progressive Work

Post by Adofa Williams, Trinidad & Tobago
I can relate to single women raising a child who will eventually grow up to be a man. I come from a single parent home where my mother tried her best to raise my sister and I in the right way. I have seen my mother cry and laugh. Growing up we had very little to nothing. Many times over mom made sure that we ate, while leaving herself undone – with only faith in the Lord holding her together. I can go on and on about all the sacrifices my mother made. Her sacrifices and all that she did made me the man I am today, for which I am thankful.

Photo by Muhammadtaha Ibrahim Ma’aji from Pexels

I am a single parent with kids of my own. I learned from my own life experiences and from the guys I grew up with. Along the way I picked up some real life teachable moments that have helped me to raise my young sons into men. Having experienced what I went through growing up, I worked hard to keep my kids from going through those same things. Today I can proudly say that I am happy that my sons didn’t have to get involved in or do some of the things that I did. Believe me, I have done some real irresponsible things.

I believe that men who grow up with only female leadership can do both harm and good. A mother can teach young men but so much. A critical part of what she teaches a son is how to relate to a woman’s needs and how to comfort her. With all the good a mother does, a man is needed in a boy’s life to give him structure. It’s not that a woman can’t do the same, but women are nurturers by nature and men are constructive protectors. I must admit I’m still learning, as I didn’t have a real father figure to teach me how to be a man. Raising young men is a progressive work. I continue to instill in my sons the necessary wisdom, so they will understand how to treat and interact with women. Through it all, there’s nothing like a praying mother.

You ask how will you know you’ve done a good job as a parent, It’s when you see your children grow up and reciprocate the love you gave them back to you and to their new family.

Being a parent is a never ending job.

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Lead

William Belle (excerpt from the book Man-U-Script)

I think the ultimate joy of fatherhood is to be able to raise a son to be a successful man. A successful man is a man who grows up to love the Lord, to be a good husband, to be a good father. One of the most successful coaches in the history of football once said that if his son grew up without knowing the Lord and if his son became anything but a man of God, then he himself had failed in spite of the many accolades and great accomplishments in his football career. I stand in agreement with this world-class coach by saying again that a man’s ultimate joy in fatherhood is to see his son live as a man of God. At the same time, that joy is tied to the importance of manhood, and that being to lead by example.

As a parent I started out with the belief that you could simply say all the right things to your son, teach him the correct things to do, and then he’d follow suit. Then I matured and discovered that more is caught than taught. I regret not having this insight when I was raising my children.

The lectures and brilliant speeches turned out to be mere lectures, in one ear and out the other. The things that became a part of my son are those things that he repeatedly observed in me; one being my thought processes, be they good or bad. If what he saw was a critical spirit, that’s what he caught. If he observed a judgmental spirit, that’s what he caught. When I see him doing negative things, I look at myself and recognize that he caught that too, and that’s the challenge. He caught more, good and bad, from watching my actions than he did from listening to my words and unpersuasive speeches.

Guiding children is something that’s done on purpose. Although you have to be intentional about parenting, the guiding doesn’t so much happen with the intentionality of a father’s words as it does with how a father operates. We would like to think that it all happens with words and lectures, but the ultimate evidence of guidance is seeing your son walking as you walk.

3 Yochanan 1:4 (3 John 1:4) I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

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Raising Boys into Men

MoorBrothers.com is a blog of brothers speaking to brothers (and sisters), with the sisters listening in. Men, this is your forum. Only on occasion will a sister’s voice be heard. I am not a man. I am a woman. I have never been a man nor will I ever be one. This blog was birthed out of my need to know what it takes to nurture a boy into manhood.

Raising Boys

My situation? I am a mother raising a son. How does a mother raise a man-child to recognize and then eventually realize his purpose as a man in a world that continues to gnaw away at the distinction of masculinity? What exactly is required of a mother during her son’s development? What does she do, and how does she do it? Whatever IT is.

I am raising a Black man-child in a society that maintains a legacy of despising the very essence of who he is. How does a mother navigate her son through the turbulence? On top of that, I need to know how to raise my son to be a man according to God’s specific design. The Word that I hold onto is: Mishlei (Proverbs) 22:6 Train a child in the way he [should] go; and, even when old, he will not swerve from it.

Straight talk: Woke mothers are struck with the realities of the weight of our responsibility, so please Brothers speak up.

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What does it mean to be a man?

Daddy’s and Granddaddy’s LEAD

B’resheet (Genesis)  1:27 So God created humankind in his own image; in the image of God he created him: male and female he created them.

My brothers, please tell me – what exactly is a man? No really – I want to know your definition of manhood. I’m sure I can get a myriad of responses from the sisters. You know us. Women can have either a romanticized version of what we think a man is and how he should be, or we often embrace a broke-down image of masculinity, and some will go as far as to define manhood by a counterfeit. I’m not looking for all that this go ‘round. So sisters, hold your peace. I’m asking the brothers because I need some straight talk from a man. I’m asking you, my brothers, because nobody knows like you do what living life as a man, specifically a Black man, is like and what it should be, according to God’s design.

Another thing – what’s your story? What’s it like being a Black man in America?  I want to hear your story because I’m as concerned for your wellbeing as a mother is for her child. Know this, that in no way am I inferring that you are a child. I simply make this comparison to confer the depth of my love. I don’t want to see any harm come to you, and I grieve beyond words when you die before the realization of your dreams. I’m your sister who sees the attack on your manhood, sometimes even before you do. I see the hit, and I do whatever I can to keep you from being struck down. I’m your mother, your wife, your daughter, your sister, your auntie, your niece, your cousin, your best friend. I’m not just an inquiring mind. I’m the woman who needs to know.   100! If you know you’re not correct or if you’re uncertain of what and how a man should be, just listen up and learn. Please, please DON’T answer.